He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he fucked my hip out of place.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
