why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize