the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
