Sry I called you an 8
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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