After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
When are your genitals available?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
