thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
