Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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