I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
