we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
