so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
