Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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