4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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