I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
