I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
