If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
