Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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