I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
