i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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