I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
