I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
