upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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