So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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