i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
