FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
