I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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