I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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