he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Who put my cat in the fridge?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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