Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
