only if we run a train.
done.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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