I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
