Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
