the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
