I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize