just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
