i don't like sucking hair
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
