I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
