I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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