i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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