Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
