So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
