In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
