btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
