I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
