Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just want nice things and good sex
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
