I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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