My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
