you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
