saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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