Its about making memories worth repressing
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
