I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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