At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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