Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
