You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize