dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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