Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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