What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
