If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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