Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
