I cannot find my penis.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
