Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
you never un-have a 4some
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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