ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
