Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
