My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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