Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
