theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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