i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
