Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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