Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I want a musical about memes.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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