There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
