is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
