he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize