I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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