You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
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Do I have a choice?
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So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
